Hello Google, My Old Friend

vs.

Also:

Oh hai, Neal Cruz! 

Disclaimer: All photos ripped from the intarwebz. Thank you Google image search. 

So You Haven’t Found Someone Worth Having In Your Life

Last year, I tried to skirt around this whole mushy issue because to be frank, Valentine’s is just not my type of day. And after seeing a lot of people making googly eyes and carrying flowers and all that romantic shitshattery last night, I swore to myself that I will avoid densely populated places forever. (Take note of that statement because this is where my downward spiral to cat persondom shall have begun.)

Anyway, don’t worry, my aversion is not directed towards you because I know you were crying in your living room last night while pigging out on a tub of vegan chocolate ice cream while listening to Adele.

There Are Still Many Things Right in This World.

And this video will make you realize what they are:

You’re welcome.

You Can Have Your Toblerone, I’ll have Tablea Anytime. (Theo & Philo Please.)

(The spirit, and not the letter)

www.itsmorefuninthephilippines.com

Google, You Are on the Running as “The Corporate World’s Next Top Emotional Manipulator”.

These companies are out to get us and manipulate our heartstrings! Run! And run very quickly! Take your spouse and children and flee from this capitalist wasteland, and thou must never look back lest ye turneth into a pillar of XRoads™ Philippine Natural Sea Salt!

The Soy Boy’s 2012 New Year’s Resolutions

I’m lame when it comes to fulfilling new year’s resolutions. Last year, I swore to finish one of my novels-in-the-making, but so far, all I’ve accomplished that’s close to anything worth reading is the juicy list of the misdeeds I’ve committed this year. Okay, that was a lie–you’d be interested to know I’ve written superb stuff about inspiring artists and great places all over the world during my magazine stint, plus I’ve done some amazing press releases when I was volunteering for the MyShelter Foundation project, Isang Litrong Liwanag. (I know you’re still not over the list so let me repeat: the list does not exist and I did not video myself doing something scandalous…like, say, stuffing my mouth with food at midnight like a fat boy relapsing on his diet.)

Soy to the World!

Because Christmas is just around the corner, let me greet you a warm and merry Io Saturnalia! Let there be peas on earth and a good vegetarian meal to all men! (Remember early this year when I mentioned about achievable goals?)

Confused with the true meaning of the Holidays? Here’s something for you to enjoy:

Have a Merry Christmas one and all! Just remember before you stuff yourself silly with all the Christmas dishes: there’s happiness beyond being morbidly obese. 

Yes I Really Wanna Live Forever

When I was younger I used to think growing older would be the most awesomest amazeballsiest thing that could ever happen to me. It was one afternoon–I think I was around seven or nine then–when I prayed to Jesus to make me older quickly. I didn’t know what I exactly meant when I asked to be older; then again, I kind of assumed when you’re praying to an Almighty Being he’d be smart enough to figure out what you meant, right?

Break the Silence.

I don’t like it when people apologize in their blogs after long periods of silence so don’t expect me to say sorry because it’s my blog anyway and yes I am allowed to be grammatically incorrect and all that shitz. Yes I am also allowed to put a “z” after “shit” because it’s my blog and I don’t give a damn about run-on sentences. Yes it is my prerogative to use commas, and semicolons; so shut, it, I, don’t; care–what! you think.

Regret: It’s Bad for You

“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.” – J.K. Rowling, in her commencement address to graduating Harvard students

Anyone who says they have nothing to regret about must have lived all their years cloistered comfortably in some panic room somewhere, sheltered throughout their life from doing stupid things which most get photographed for and tagged in Facebook the next day.

But for us who are not so privileged (or deprived) to have lived such a sheltered life, there are sure to be moments which will make us shake our heads as we say to ourselves, “WTF did I just do?”